Kraken Not Stirred is a musical act which spans various genres, writing songs about all manner of nerdy pursuits.
If you grok songs about science fiction, fantasy, computers, conventions, and general weirdness, you've come to the right place.

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December 31, 2015
YEAR IN REVIEW

Well, that was a reasonably busy year, wasn't it? There was a dress of confusing colourosity, a shark of questionable funkiness, a desert race movie that made playing guitar in a red onsesie cool again, and some other film about space battles or something. I dunno. Never heard of it.

As for The Mighty Kraken and I, his humble minion, here's how our year went. In math form.

2015 by the numbers...

14 new songs
7 originals
A Reptile Dysfunction
The Loneliest Monster in the Moat
Pogo Zombie is a Jerk
Shell Beach Party
Today Sucked, Show Me Cats
Neo-Otyugh (Rock Version)
Neo-Otyugh (Synthpop Version)

4 covers (Available only to mailing list members - Links go to originals)
The Body Electric
I in the Sky
Mister Spock
Zeroes and Ones

3 additional original songs released only to mailing list members
The Arrakis Boogie
Banhammer
The Lonelist Monster in the Moat (Acoustic Version)

4 live performances
Nocturne
Debs and Errol Final Concert
Anime North
Guest appearance with Kari Maaren at Chiseries

1 collaboration with Kari Maaren

1 new episode of Tentacle Talk

1 interview with Fandomania

So that's cool. What kind of wacky adventures will we have in 2016? You'll just have to stick around to find out.





December 28, 2015

Members of my mailing list just got a free download of my cover of "I in the Sky" (AKA The Captial I song from Sesame Street.) So that's pretty cool.
You could get it, too, just by putting your email address in that little box up there.



November 24, 2015

New song!

If you've ever played Plants vs Zombies, you'll know that the little jerk on the pogo stick is a particularly obnoxious little dingus. That's why I wrote a song about him.

And to make things even more awesome, I got a bunch of friends to help me out by shouting "Pogo Zombie is a Jerk" a whole bunch.

Friends like:
Australian Geek Pop sensation Meri Amber
Spoken word satirist Jeff Cottrill
Errol Elumir of awesome nerd music duo Debs and Errol
Musician, VJ, painter, and all-around cool person Cynthia Gould
Doug Lea, who along with the aforementioned Cynthia Gould, plays for High Heels Lo Fi
Doug also happens to play drums in my metal band, Nanochrist, along with vocalist Scworm, who also appears, along with with keyboardist
Sebastien L'Arrivee, who also plays for Hatz.
Larry Varvarici of Primal Frost
Hilarious nerd ukulelist Kari Maaren
Kirsten, Pelayo, and Taavi of a capella trio Kirsten Sandwich
Non-linkable friends Tessa Stone and Chris Horne
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.

And so... without further ado, please enjoy POGO ZOMBIE IS A JERK




October 21, 2015

Happy Marty McFly day!
The always awesome Kari Maaren has written a song in honour of this momentous occasion, and she has called on me to help out with it on guitar, bass, and drum programming. So that's pretty cool. Take a listen to it here...



And then sign up for her YouTube channel. And also mine, if you haven't yet. Because awesome stuff is awesome.



October 2nd, 2015

The mighty Kraken feels that if one is going to write a song about a giant, fire-breathing lizard, one should be sure that said song is a Death Metal song. He's probably right.

I would, therefore, like to present to you...

A Reptile Dysfunction



Like it? Please share it on your favourite social media platform.



September 14th, 2015

NEW SONG!



Dig it? Wanna own it? Well, you can!



SURVEY TIME!

You there! I need you to listen to both version of the song below, then fill out the survey. In return, you get high-quality mp3s of BOTH VERSIONS OF THE SONG, the cover art for each, and an extra-super-awesome picture of A NEO-OTYUGH RIDING A GELATINOUS CUBE INTO BATTLE!!!

Here are the songs:





...and here is the survey.

Create your own user feedback survey

Thank you for voting. I truly appreciate it. The Kraken, OTOH, doesn't give a crap what you think.



August 5th, 2015

New song!

It's called "Banhammer" and it's about douchebags. Listen to it at Soundcloud or YouTube

Download it and more for free by joining the Member's Section.



June 22nd, 2015

Are you still distraught about having missed my performance at Anime North?
Well, fret no more, my friend. Here's a clip from the acoustic portion of the show...





April 20th, 2015

New song? New song.

The heart-breaking tale of a moat monster and his unrequited love for a princess.





April 19th, 2015

Tentacle Talk Episode 2!

On this episode, I show you how I go about creating a song.





April 8th, 2015

I've added a new song to the Member's Section. It's an instrumental called "The Arrakis Boogie."

Not a member? Then you're missing out! Just join join the mailing list. It's free! I MEAN HOLY HELL SERIOUSLY WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?????



April 7th, 2015

New video! Dark City meets surf rock!





April 6th, 2015

What's better than owning a Kraken Not Stirred shirt? How about owning a Kraken Not Stirred shirt AND a FREE album download?

Yeah, that's pretty cool. I guess.

But how about... a Kraken Not Stirred shirt with a FREE album download with a bonus instrumental that's not available anywhere else?

Now we're talkin'.

Well, stop talkin'and click here!



March 12th, 2015

More live YouTubery. This time it's my performance of "The Confunk" at last month's Nocturne show...





March 10th, 2015

The YouTubes now have a video of the intro to my live show at Nocturne last month, with bonus live Doctor Who theme. Check it out...





March 8th, 2015

Due to circumstances beyond my control *COUGH*dayjob*COUGH* I have to cancel my appearance at Jeff Cottrill's CD release party on April 2nd. You should still totatlly go, though, because it's going to be awesome.



February 10th, 2015

I've got a couple of short sets coming up, one as part of Debs and Errol's final show. That's at Round Venue, 152 Augusta Ave, Toronto, on March 7th, 6:30-9.

The Facebook event is here. This inclides appearances by Nerds With Guitars, Kari Maaren, Copy Red Leader, and Rock, Paper, Cynic. So it should be awesome, despite the sadness of losing Debs and Errol.

The other one is on Thursday, April 2nd at the Black Swan (154 Danforth Ave, Toronto) the release party for Jeff Cottrill's upcoming spoken word CD, Nit Fenny. (Which I also engineered.)

This one also includes the omnipresent Kari Maaren, as well as Kirsten Sandwich. (Whose last CD I also engineered. Go me!)

There will also be readings by Jeff Cottrill (well, duh) and Cynthia Gould, (who is 1/3rd of High Heels Lo Fi, who I'm playing with on Feb 20th. I've also engineered all of their CDs. I sense a pattern.)

Both of these are sure to be great nights, so you should definitely show up.



February 1st, 2015

Holy crap, I've got a show!

Friday, February 20th, at Nocturne (550 Queen St. W, Toronto), with Toronto's best, worst, and only Drunk Rock band, High Heels Lo Fi

It's an early show, so make sure to be there by 9.



January 11th, 2015

There's a new song in the Members Section. It's a cover song. And it's awesome. If you haven't signed up for the mailing list, then you're missing out on it.



December 12th, 2014

The Members Section is now online! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

If you're not a member, you're missing all the excitement! Join for free by clicking here to subscribe to the email list.



November 29th, 2014

Holy crap, I'm playing a show. February 20th at Nocturne (550 Queen St W, Toronto). Watch this important instructional video for more information...





November 28th, 2014

New song! New Video!
Robot Invasion of Earth!

An historically-accurate recreation of the 1955 Halloween alien robot invasion, depicted in song and video.
Listen to it here.

Watch it here:




November 10th, 2014

New song! This one is about having a Buffy Marathon. In the chorus I say, "Buffy Marathon" a lot. It's called "Buffy Marathon." Weird how that works.

Take a listen to it over at my Soundcloud page.



August 29, 2014

Here's an animated .gif of me performing at Holodeck Follies...





June 17, 2014

NEW SONG!

Simply Rock Into Mordor is an oldschool rock n' roll alternate history of the battle for Middle-Earth. With guitar solos.

It also features a special guest bassist in the form of Scworm from Industrial Metal stalwarts Nanochrist.

Dig it? You can buy it here



June 1, 2014

Want more geek bands? Of course you do! What a stupid question! Why, I should be drawn and quartered for simply considering asking such a ridiculously daft question!

But instead, I'll distract you from doing that by pointing out that GeekBands.ca is now online to serve all of your Canadian nerd music needs, including Debs and Errol, Copy Red Leader, Kari Maaren and more!



March 1, 2014

So yeah... as it turns out, The Confunk has a video now, too...





February 26, 2014

New song? New song.

The Confunk is a public service announcement regarding the dangers of not following the "1" portion of the 3-2-1 rule when attending a convention.

Seriously. Don't be that guy.

You can buy a copy of The Confunk here.



December 8th, 2013

So I've decided to start a video blog. Or "vlog" and the kids say. Because what this world needs is another musician doing a vlog. It's called "Tentacle Talk" and it's all about the goings-on here in Krakenville. The first one centres on the instrument I use to create this stuff. If it seems like anyone cares about that sort of thing, I'll make another. Check it out...





October 20th, 2013

Well... His Extreme Wetness has decided to pitch a TV show. He's convinced that it's going to be the Next Big Thing, despite the fact that he hasn't gotten around to writing a script yet. But he made me write a theme song for it, and here it is.

I'm really sorry.





August 12th, 2013

The Kraken was psionically probing my rapidly disintegrating brain a while back, looking for ideas for new shows to watch, when he stumbled upon my experiences doing technical support for dial-up Internet customers many years ago. As much as I really didn't want to relive any of that, he was quite insistent that I write a song about it.

Listen to it here.

Watch the video here:




July 16th, 2013

Speaking of Reaver Attack, I went and made a cheesy lyric video for it...





July 16th, 2013

His Mighty Aquaticness has unleashed a new song upon an unsuspecting planet.
This on is based on Firefly, his favourite new show. He told me that he's really looking forward to Season 2.
I didn't have the heart to tell him.

Click here to listen to the awesomeness of... REAVER ATTACK!



June 17th, 2013

I made a video. You have been warned.





May 22nd, 2013

Some of you have been complaining about the audio player in the music section, so I've started a Soundcloud account.

Enjoy.



May 15th, 2013

So hey. Check it out: it's April's offering. In mid May. Yes, I know. But it's totally not my fault. You see, His Royal Moistness finally discovered Doctor Who.

Being a rather Type A sort of sea monster, he decided to watch the entire series before beaming his next song to me. Yup, all of it. Starting from 1963's An Uneartly Child. So that kind of took a while.

The good news is, while watching the show, he developed a little crush on one of the characters and decided to try to woo her in song. Which Doctor Who character could warm the Kraken's massive heart, you ask? Amy Pond? No. Perpugilliam Brown? No. Romana? The Rani? Alpha Centauri? No, no, and no.

It appears that he prefers something a little more sluggy and hateful.

The good news is that he's decided that May's offering is going to be about Firefly. So he ran off to watch it all as fast as possible. "It's awesome so far," he said. "It's so good, there's probably tons of seasons of it, so I've gotta get started right away."

I didn't have the heart to tell him.



March 25th, 2013

This month's song involves two dudes, several personages of historical significance, and a hot step-mom.

It would be totally non-heinous of you to go over to the music page and listen to the totally non-bogus, "Shut Up, Ted", even though it doesn't have Eddie Van Halen on guitar.

Be excellent to each other. And party on, dudes.



Feb 27th, 2013
New song!

In February's offering, the mighty Kraken details his feelings regarding the vampire craze. You can listen to it over at the music page.

Note to my Goth friends: The opinions expressed in this song are those of the Kraken only. He made me do it.



Jan 30th, 2013
I have succeeded! I can only hope that the Kraken is pleased.
His first song, The Ballad of Han Solo, can now be heard in all of its electronic trucker song glory by clicking on "music."



Jan 29th, 2013
The mighty Kraken has ordered this site to be operational by tomorrow.
If I fail, he's sure to pull my eyes out with his fearsome suction cups.